At the time of my diagnosis I was shell shocked, as most of us are. I was even more confused by the variety of treatment choices offered me. Decisions about a lumpectomy or mastectomy, a TRAM flap or silicone or saline implants were all part of this challenging time.

While I'm a big proponent of having choice, after all, it is our body, it was one of the few times in my life where I would have loved to have passed off the decisions to someone else. But that wasn't an option and so I made my own decision, after lots of reading and interviewing.

While no one had an issue with my choices, this isn't always the case. I had a friend who chose alternative cancer treatments, to many of her friends dismay. My own Mom, after two brutual rounds of chemotherapy announced that she was done regardless of what her oncologist said. Her decision was incredibly upsetting to me, but as someone who had just gone through her own cancer journey, I felt strongly that the decision around her cancer treatment was hers to make.

In situations like these, what are the steps you should take to help the cancer patient through their treatment journey? The following nine tips will help you navigate this challenging time.

1. Realize that it's not your treatment decision, no matter how invested you may be. The responsibility for their cancer treatment is theirs and only theirs to make.

2. Be open to expressing but not determined to have your opinion heard. It's the cancer patient's right to ask you for your opinion if they want it, not your right to offer unsolicited advice. Remember how you feel when people give you unsolicited advice when you don't ask for it.

3. Acknowledge your own fears. It's hard to be impartial if you're fearful yourself. Determine whether the cancer patient is open to hearing your fears, or whether you need to go somewhere else to talk with someone who's less involved and removed a degree or two.

4. Don't feel bad if you're not up to being the patient's sounding board. It's not uncommon for patients' families and loved ones to be triggered by the cancer diagnosis and consequently emotionally unavailable to help. If you can't provide the support needed, get the name of a therapist who can and refer your loved one to her.

5. If you feel like you can handle discussing their treatment options, ask if they would like help with the decision-making process. Alternatively, ask what other information they need and if you can get it for them.

6. If they are open to it and you're available emotionally, review the pros and cons of the treatments being considered. Treatments are like medication, they have pros and cons, and side effects.

7. Trust their judgment. The patient is a better expert on their body and on themselves than others will ever be. Although you might not understand their reasoning, remember the old saying about not being able to judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes.

8. Know that there's power in having a patient choose their treatment. Studies on placebos prove that by choosing a treatment, the efficacy of the treatment increases in the patient's mind, which is the place where all true healing really begins.

9. Whatever their choice, support them to the max. Your opposing their choices will undermine their chances of recovery by instilling doubts or fears about their plan of attack.

Letting the patient decide how much input you have into their cancer treatment is a supreme act of love, and often challenging to do. But by doing so you acknowledge their competence and a true understanding that these decisions are the cancer survivor's to make. And some day others might do the same for you when you're facing a major decision.